My Anxiety is Through the Roof

for no real reason whatsoever

image from Canva

I’ve woken up feeling awful… and it’s completely irrational.

It’s the summer holidays. I’m staying in our holiday home on the coast for a month. It’s an 800 square foot, three bedroom lodge with all mod-cons, overlooking the sea. Absolute luxury.

My children are having a wonderful time. Yesterday we went to the beach then played water guns on the veranda and watched movies snuggled on the sofa. I took them to the arcade and shop and they had sweets and candy floss. They are happy little arseholes.

I had a good night’s sleep. Bed by 1am and up at 8am — a solid 7 hours.

Today is Sunday, the kids are having a lie in and I have nothing to rush around for. I’m drinking hot chocolate (the real type from Hotel Chocolate, not the sugary powder type) and I’m cuddling my gorgeous dog whilst watching Mapperton Live You Tube videos (wholesome).

And yet my heart is racing, my brain feels scrambled and I ache all over like I’ve just run a marathon.

I can’t decide whether I woke up feeling like this or whether it was triggered by my neighbour. My lovely, lovely, lovely neighbour by the way.

Every morning my dog gets me up by tapping on the door that separates the bedroom areas from the living areas. Tap, tap, tap. Super polite. A dog with such etiquette and manners! Tap, Tap, Tap, “I need a wee.” So I get up, pull on some clothes and take him outside for a wee.

We have a little grassy area, in front of our driveway and in between us and the next caravan. Sherlock (my dog) has a little run around, sniffing and bouncing in the morning sunshine, and he does his business. I watch him over the veranda, usually while tidying my hair or checking my emails on my phone.

My neighbours are lovely elderly Welsh couple. They’ve had their van forever and they religiously visit every weekend. Without fail. Every weekend. I’ve never met the woman, but the chap is the sort who will come to the edge of his veranda to say hello. Which is lovely. Unless you have major anxiety around people. Like me.

I try at all costs to avoid this polite encounter between neighbours. I stand at the far end of the deck, facing the other…