My Mother Emailed Me Again

Perdita Masters
8 min readAug 21, 2022

I haven’t replied yet, I’m too sad

I’m trying art as therapy

I’m back at the holiday lodge with my two youngest boys.

We had a drama getting back here. It’s three and a bit hour drive, and my youngest gets very car sick so we drive slowly the whole way, with the window all the way down on the motorway. It’s noisy, and cold.

I’d coincided the journey with needing to collect second youngest son’s iPad from the electrical repair shop in a town about two hours in. So after two hours of driving, slowly, along the motorway, with the window down, cold and noisy, we reach the car park near the electrical shop only for me to go and drive into a sharp rock jutting out of a low wall and instantly pop my tyre.

Urgh. Pouring with rain, with a 6 year old, a 5 year old and the dog stuck in a random carpark in the middle of Wales. I rang the Roadside Rescue company to come and change the tyre but it was a two-hour wait. I could have attempted to change the tyre myself. It’s one of those things that your dad and then husband teach you to do but unless you actually do it you don’t have the confidence. I didn’t have the confidence. Plus it’s highly likely that my children are ASD/ADHD and my dog is an English Springer Spaniel so it was taking all of my strength to keep us contained.

The Roadside Rescue company came and were great. The rest of the journey was smooth but for the following day I was wiped out from the stress of it all. I know that does sound pathetic but I do find that if something happens on one day that requires lots of mental or emotional involvement, it makes me feel physically exhausted and takes me at least 24 hours to recover.

What has this got to do with my mother emailing?

Historically when I used to stay at the holiday lodge I would be in touch with her to let her know we had arrived. She lives locally to the lodge so we tie in visits. Since the big fall out I get in touch less. Last week when I was here we saw her and it was ‘OK’.

She’s clearly got the big fall out on her mind so she decided that I hadn’t been in touch to announce my arrival because she thinks I’m avoiding her.

What is ‘the big fall out’? You’ll learn all about it over time — it’s a meaty story but a big part of the reason for…